Hmm…you say you want change? You wanna to step outside your comfort zone? See the world as you know it turned on it’s head?
Yea, I know, that was me that said all that. Well, I got it alright and I’m just now beginning to feel right side up again, solid ground beneath my feet.
I don’t want to sound negative because there have been good, exciting changes but as everyone knows, change can be hard and feel scary and uncomfortable, especially in the beginning.
In a nut shell, over the last 5 or 6 weeks, I got a my first full time job in over four years, had to let go of the shop girl gig and joined a local writers group.
All of that awesome, every little bit of it needed and overall scary as hell.
I really loved my part time shop girl job. I tried to keep it and work both places but it was not meant to be. Even though I was exhausted and burned out, I was really sad about having to let it go.
I am loving this writers group so far, it’s a very mixed crowd and very open and laid back. Once you attend a meeting, you can submit your work for group critique. In case you weren’t sure, that’s the scary part. As much as I want people to read my writing, I’m terrified. But I’m going to try it in January. Maybe.
And even though I knew I was ready to go back to work full time, it’s been a big adjustment. I was home for a long time (for me anyway), it was the longest I have not worked since I was sixteen years old. There has been lot to learn, get used to and attempt to balance.
But figuring out new schedules, new roles and learning a new job hasn’t even been the hardest part for me.
The amount of fear and anxiety that bubbled up and made it’s way to the surface those first few weeks were staggering.
I’d be sitting at my desk, researching an issue or trouble shooting part of a project and this little voice from deep inside would start up:
“You’re not good enough for this job. Who do you think you are? You’ve been away for too long. You’re too old. You’re never going to get this.”
Wow, not cool. Not cool at all.
Not to mention, completely untrue.
I clearly had not realized how nervous, fearful and especially impatient I can be.
Starting anything new is hard, there is always a learning curve. I wasn’t expected to walk in the door knowing everything (thank God!).
The pressure was completely self inflicted but it did serve me in a way, working to reveal some things I undoubtedly need to work on.
The fact that I had become too tired to keep up with my yoga practice, was eating way too much fast food and junk and wasn’t getting enough sleep didn’t help either.
But once I got back on track with those things, everything else started calming down and falling more in to place.
I used to feel a little weird about only practicing yoga at home with DVDs and free videos online. Now, I am incredibly grateful for it and the resources I have. The flexibility to practice whenever I can carve out the time, on my schedule and without having to worry about paying for classes has been awesome.
The last month has been a huge time of growth and transition. The peace, inner calm and self awareness yoga brings has helped in every way.
In honor of that, I wanted to re-post some links that might be helpful to someone else.
Interested in trying yoga but not sure where to start?
A link to some great resources, videos and favorite poses – yoga favorites and finds.
A post I wrote on meditation and how to get started.
One of a two part series – Learning to Sit.
DoYouYoga.com has added tons of awesome videos to their site from Kino MacGregor to Erin Motz.
And more recently, they posted this awesome gem – 5 Effective (And Free!) Yoga Videos For Your Home Practice.
We all have our struggles. Change is happening all around and within us, it never stops. Sometimes it feels wonderful and amazing and sometimes, it just feels awkward and like a difficult struggle. But constant change also means whatever you are going through today won’t last.
Let kindness, love and patience be your guide, especially with yourself.