Image Source – Pinterest of course!
Right now, I’m really glad I’m at my computer working on this post.
But I also don’t want to be here. I really want to be sitting on the couch or propped up in bed, reading the new book I got today.
I know this sounds weird, please allow me to explain.
Since the beginning of the year, something has been off. I have not been writing very much and in fact, have not felt like doing anything, especially in the evenings which is some of the only free time I have, so I’ve been trying to figure out the cause.
Then today I stopped by Sperk* and read her latest post, Off The Cuff.
I was flipping through a magazine while waiting in line at the grocery store the other day and saw yet another article on women and “having it all”. Nope, I didn’t read it. Because I can’t stand this debate or any more of these articles.
My issue is, isn’t “having it all” a completely personal and individual thing? Don’t we all have our own goals and ideals? And even just different things in life that make us happy? What might be a dream situation to me could make someone else completely miserable and vice versa.
The other thing is, I feel like some of these articles can add to setting yet another impossible standard and making women feel like they are not doing enough, achieving enough, being enough, etc.
Is there something always lacking?
I don’t know about that but I do believe the picture of perfect portrayed a lot of times is bullshit.
Image source – aliveinthefire.com
This is a part II to Friday’s post – Time For A (Health) Reboot. It’s a little long but I wanted to post about how things went for anyone interested, the good, the bad and the crabby.
When I think about how I felt at the end of last week and how I feel today, things are so much better. Lighter, happier, calmer and my stomach is finally at ease. There were some bumpy patches over the weekend and I didn’t achieve everything I’d set out to do to the letter but I’m really glad I decided to stop, set some goals and get back on track.
Here was the weekend plan I created on Friday:
- Early morning yoga
- 5 – 10 min of meditation
- Smoothie or healthy juice for breakfast
- plenty of fruits and veggies for meals
- water with lemon throughout the day
And in the evening:
- hot tea
Rise, rinse, repeat.
Here’s what went down:
I got up early and did my yoga DVD with Kristin McGee. Feeling energized, I made a trip to the grocery to get smoothie ingredients and pick up our Saturday Starbucks (our occasional weekend tradition). Since I was trying to be good, I made a smoothie as soon as I got home and afterwards, drank only 1/2 my tall vanilla latte. And ate all my croissant. Not on the plan but it could have been worse.
Every month, I look forward to the next issue of Yoga Journal set to arrive in my mailbox. Besides all the great information on poses and general health and wellness, there is always something unexpected that touches or inspires me in some great way.
A few days ago, the February 2013 issue arrived. Flipping through, I landed on a page with the following quote and sat, re-reading it several times.
“Take up one idea. Make that idea your life – think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, and every part of your body be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success.”
– Swami Vivekananda (1863-1902)
It made me think of how many times, I’ve gotten too tangled up with worries of:
I want this but how am I going to be able to do it?
How will I ever have enough time, money, etc?
Truthfully, letting my own fears and insecurities take over and slowly losing sight of a dream or goal, ending with feeling hopeless and depressed.
I know for most, spring is the time when people go through their homes, closets and garages to do the big, all day, clean out sessions but for me, it’s always after the holidays.
I don’t know how others feel about this but the sudden onslaught of new toys, puzzles, games, clothes, movies, etc. makes me want to re-evaluate, re-organize and clean things out.
Cleaning and organizing is actually one of my super powers though, I actually enjoy organizing my closet (I know). Too much clutter, mountains of things just piled up or shoved together makes me twitchy and I can’t take it.
I need wide open spaces, lots of room to move and breathe and just think.
Cleaning has even becomes a calming exercise. I’ve been known to pick a part of the house and scrub it down during stressful or worried times, for the busyness of my hands and clearing of mind the motion provides me.
On December 27th of 2011, Waffle Wars, my first post for this blog went live.
After several months of going back and forth in my head, trying to figure out what a blog even was and wondering what would be worse – if no one gave it a glance or if people actually stopped to read what I was writing – did I finally have the courage and enough ideas to start my padawan journey here.
It all seemed very terrifying at the time. And serious. Far less serious than I feel about it now but that’s a good thing. Hopefully the ease is because I’m letting go of a lot of that old fear and self doubt, finally feeling like I’m getting comfortable in my own skin.
Since I really didn’t know what I was doing, I decided to take a “no rules” approach and gave myself permission to write about anything I was comfortable with or needed to share. Along the way, I saw things changing from what I imagined might be considered a “mom blog” and evolve in to something I still don’t really have the right words for.
This morning, when my son asked about going to the movies, I quickly answered “I’ll get paid on Friday so maybe we can go this weekend.”
It felt so good to say, so natural and I instantly felt happy about it. Then, my stomach tightened and I remembered, this will be my last pay day for a while.
I’d previously written about my nervousness, how strange it felt to be venturing back in to the work force after so long at home and then adjusting to my new schedule and busyness around the holidays.
But regardless of everything, I loved it.
I loved working, I loved my job. I loved having this new responsibility outside of the house and making my own money again.
Sunday morning, I proudly announced to my husband that I’d tried my first hand stand.
“It was scary and awesome!” I told him, still feeling a little of both myself.
I’ve been wanting to start learning more inversions and challenging poses for a while now. And I have to admit, I choose a hand stand to start with because of a poses I’m kind of obsessed with, Vrschikasana or scorpion pose.
Here’s what it looks like.
Image source – tumblr.com
Is it harder to not know what you want in life or to know but have your goals seem far out of reach?
I’ve been on both sides of this question as most probably have and I don’t know if there is one, simple answer. The answer is probably different for each one of us. What feels worse to me may not be so terrible for you.
Both situations can be difficult, both are uncomfortable and sometimes scary and frustrating as well. Both can make us feel hopeless or sad, confused and grasping.
But both situations can also require the same difficult but simple thing – letting go.
Today was huge for me. HUGE!
As I’ve gotten more comfortable with this blog, gathered a bit more experience and spent time thinking about personal goals and mapping out where I’d like to go from here, I realized I really want to follow the direction of things I feel passionate about:
– Natural health and wellness
– Fitness and Yoga
– Buddhism and spirituality
And just being continually open to continued growth, introspection and learning.
One of the ways I’d like to go about this is through writing and sharing information with others.