Remembering Kindness and Finding Solid Ground When Things Are Upside Down

man upside down on the hood of a van

One way to make things look upside down

Hmm…you say you want change? You wanna to step outside your comfort zone? See the world as you know it turned on it’s head?

Yea, I know, that was me that said all that. Well, I got it alright and I’m just now beginning to feel right side up again, solid ground beneath my feet.

I don’t want to sound negative because there have been good, exciting changes but as everyone knows, change can be hard and feel scary and uncomfortable, especially in the beginning.

In a nut shell, over the last 5 or 6 weeks, I got a my first full time job in over four years, had to let go of the shop girl gig and joined a local writers group.

All of that awesome, every little bit of it needed and overall scary as hell.
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Keep Calm And Write Something
Image Source – Pinterest of course!

Right now, I’m really glad I’m at my computer working on this post.

But I also don’t want to be here. I really want to be sitting on the couch or propped up in bed, reading the new book I got today.

I know this sounds weird, please allow me to explain.

Since the beginning of the year, something has been off. I have not been writing very much and in fact, have not felt like doing anything, especially in the evenings which is some of the only free time I have, so I’ve been trying to figure out the cause.

Then today I stopped by Sperk* and read her latest post, Off The Cuff.
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What The Prom Girls Taught Me About Self Love

Love Every Bit Of Yourself

Love Every Bit Of Yourself

For the past few weeks, there has been a big increase in activity in the formal dress department at work due to all the school proms coming up.

Although it’s a lot of work, I’ve enjoyed working these departments. The dressing rooms get trashed and you have triple the amount of clothes to straighten, hang and get back out on the floor but it’s been really fun watching these girls come in and model dresses for their parent, friends and selves. Even better, the look on their face when they walk up to the counter with “the one” slung over their arm, ready to make the big purchase.

One of the happier things that surprised me from the shifts I’ve worked so far is the amount of fathers bringing their daughters, patiently waiting on big couches outside the dressing rooms and the kindness of some of the comments I would overhear as they gave fatherly opinions or even vetoed a dress as soon as they saw it.

I know what some of them were thinking, “Yea, I remember when I was a teenage boy and you are not wearing that dress!” aka too short, too revealing, etc. I don’t blame them at all.

It almost brought tears to my eyes, hearing one of the dads I had been helping earlier, when he reminded his daughter, “we have plenty of time. Remember, you need to really love it.” Mind you, this was after the sixth or seventh dress she tried on. My own heart swelled.

Unfortunately, the other things I heard were far less happy, loving or kind and came from the girls themselves.
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The Power Of Numbers And Making Your Own Rules

Please allow me to apologize and/or warn you in advance, I try to keep things on a very positive vibe on this blog and will continue to in the future but in all honesty, I’ve been going through a lot the past couple of months and well, things just aren’t good. I’ve stayed away but miss writing and at the same time, want to keep the honesty and authenticity I started off with.

I love being a Pisces but being so sensitive of nature also means the hurts run deep and you seem to feel things so strongly it’s almost too much at times. I don’t think I’d ever change it, but – wow sometimes. If you’re not familiar with the sign, this description is very fitting:

Pisces is the twelfth sign of the zodiac, and it is also the final sign in the zodiacal cycle. Hence, this sign brings together many of the characteristics of the eleven signs that have come before it. Pisces, however, are happiest keeping many of these qualities under wraps. These folks are selfless, spiritual and very focused on their inner journey. They also place great weight on what they are feeling. Yes, feelings define Pisces, and it’s not uncommon for them to feel their own burdens (and joys) as well as those of others. The intuition of the Pisces-born is highly evolved. Many people associate Pisces with dreams and secrets, and it’s a fair association, since those born under this sign feel comfortable in an illusory world. –

The following post is what I’m feeling. Much more positivity to come friends but right now, this is just where I’m at.
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Freaky 40

Assorted, colorful 40th birthday cupcakes

The last few years have been full of changes, some pretty big changes actually and most of them for the better. But there’s something that has changed in a bad way and I’m trying to figure out exactly why or how it has happened.

I love birthdays, always have. And I have always thought it was silly and ridiculous that some women try to hide their true age, won’t give out their birthday or get depressed on the day.

Because me? I celebrate. I make a big freaking deal. I used to schedule a shopping day off from work for my birthday every year before my stay at home mom days.

My 21st birthday was awesome! 30th birthday, felt great. Turning 35, ok that one was rough, I was pregnant and horribly sick but felt no ill will about my age at all.

I even used to think, yes I am getting older but I’m also getting – better.
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Shop Girl

This morning, when my son asked about going to the movies, I quickly answered “I’ll get paid on Friday so maybe we can go this weekend.”

It felt so good to say, so natural and I instantly felt happy about it. Then, my stomach tightened and I remembered, this will be my last pay day for a while.

I’d previously written about my nervousness, how strange it felt to be venturing back in to the work force after so long at home and then adjusting to my new schedule and busyness around the holidays.

But regardless of everything, I loved it.

I loved working, I loved my job. I loved having this new responsibility outside of the house and making my own money again.
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I Think I Forgot How To Dress Like A Grown Up

funky boutique clothing and dressing room

I’ve written previously about how I’m looking for a job these days. I guess I should say, I’m looking for a second job because I’ll still be working the one I have now (nanny, maid, cook, driver, accountant and personal assistant for the toddler and hubs).

So I’m thrilled to tell you, I have actually gotten a few calls and upcoming interviews – woohoo!

The trouble started when I went in to my closet to try and put together a few outfit options for these interviews. (Yes, I’m all about “options”, don’t make fun. I’ve watched enough Project Runway in my day to use those kinds of fancy, industry terms).

I guess I hadn’t really thought that much about it but I completely realized, after being a stay at home mom for a few years now, I’ve forgotten how to dress like a professional adult.

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Growing Pains

Last week was a true challenge. Actually, it was stressful, scary, difficult and exhausting. Things were really hard. It sucked.

I’m pretty good about looking for the lessons in things, especially in the difficult moments but sometimes I do want to ask, “Why so rough, life? Do you really have to slap me around like that? Have I not been seeing what you wanted me to see for so long you’ve lost patience? I thought we were kind of friends!”

A friend of mine always says, you will keep being presented with the same lessons over and over until you learn what you need to and grow from them.
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