I’ve talked about change many times before, the fact that change is happening all around us, within us and that change is the only constant in life.
It’s something I used to be very resistant to. Change was (and still can be) scary. It’s unpredictable. It reminds me of how little I have control over and at times, how much I don’t know.
But a few months ago, I started wishing for change. Big change. More than wanting and needing it, I have absolutely been craving change from way down deep.
It had been building for a while but seemed to really come to the surface this summer. I felt stuck, like my feet were sinking in deep mud.
I realized this morning as I looked at my son’s calendar that today marks the last full week of school before summer break begins.
Time seems to be moving at light speed lately, I guess that’s how the end of the school year was able to sneak right up that way. Needless to say, I don’t feel ready for summer and I am nervous about how to keep Lou busy, entertained and happy for the next three months.
Wait – three months? I have to check those numbers. Can that be right? I’m going to need an assistant. Can moms get assistants? Ok, I mean moms that can’t afford real nannies or assistants.
We really feel in love with preschool this year, both my son and myself. It’s only a half day for three days a week but wow, how sweet it has been.
Image Source – Pinterest of course!
Right now, I’m really glad I’m at my computer working on this post.
But I also don’t want to be here. I really want to be sitting on the couch or propped up in bed, reading the new book I got today.
I know this sounds weird, please allow me to explain.
Since the beginning of the year, something has been off. I have not been writing very much and in fact, have not felt like doing anything, especially in the evenings which is some of the only free time I have, so I’ve been trying to figure out the cause.
Then today I stopped by Sperk* and read her latest post, Off The Cuff.
I’ve always felt I had a “complicated” family and upbringing if not just plain nontraditional, difficult and really tough at times. But, the more I learn about others, life itself and the illusions we confuse sometimes as normal or what’s suppose to be, I’m thinking things really may not be so unusual after all and certainly could have been a lot worse.
For the past year, I’ve proudly been contributing each month to Kim at Sperk* for Wednesday’s Woman, her awesome dedication to shine a light on positive and inspirational women. In all this time, I’ve never written about anyone personal or from my own life.
Although I actually am a pretty private person, for some reason this pained me a little and I found myself really wanting to share something more personal, closer to my own heart.
And if I know my own mind, it was probably because I didn’t think I could.
Please allow me to apologize and/or warn you in advance, I try to keep things on a very positive vibe on this blog and will continue to in the future but in all honesty, I’ve been going through a lot the past couple of months and well, things just aren’t good. I’ve stayed away but miss writing and at the same time, want to keep the honesty and authenticity I started off with.
I love being a Pisces but being so sensitive of nature also means the hurts run deep and you seem to feel things so strongly it’s almost too much at times. I don’t think I’d ever change it, but – wow sometimes. If you’re not familiar with the sign, this description is very fitting:
Pisces is the twelfth sign of the zodiac, and it is also the final sign in the zodiacal cycle. Hence, this sign brings together many of the characteristics of the eleven signs that have come before it. Pisces, however, are happiest keeping many of these qualities under wraps. These folks are selfless, spiritual and very focused on their inner journey. They also place great weight on what they are feeling. Yes, feelings define Pisces, and it’s not uncommon for them to feel their own burdens (and joys) as well as those of others. The intuition of the Pisces-born is highly evolved. Many people associate Pisces with dreams and secrets, and it’s a fair association, since those born under this sign feel comfortable in an illusory world. – Astrology.com
The following post is what I’m feeling. Much more positivity to come friends but right now, this is just where I’m at.
Well, well, imagine my surprise after watching and quickly dismissing the weather reports of a winter storm on the way when yesterday morning, big flakes started to fall. And fall. And fall.
My body and mind have been craving activity, I’m constantly wanting to get out more during the day so just the idea of being snowed in with crazy boy was making me anxious.
Seriously, I have ants in my pants.
But sometimes, there’s just nothing you can do but bundle up, play in the cold and then settle in for another round of The Curious George movie on Netflix and hot cocoa.
While we were out, I couldn’t stop thinking about the lovely Sarah at The Sunday Spill and the self portrait project she’s been doing this year.
I’ve been admiring her pictures on Facebook as well as her blog so I was excited to read more about the project and how it was going for her.
Image source – aliveinthefire.com
This is a part II to Friday’s post – Time For A (Health) Reboot. It’s a little long but I wanted to post about how things went for anyone interested, the good, the bad and the crabby.
When I think about how I felt at the end of last week and how I feel today, things are so much better. Lighter, happier, calmer and my stomach is finally at ease. There were some bumpy patches over the weekend and I didn’t achieve everything I’d set out to do to the letter but I’m really glad I decided to stop, set some goals and get back on track.
Here was the weekend plan I created on Friday:
- Early morning yoga
- 5 – 10 min of meditation
- Smoothie or healthy juice for breakfast
- plenty of fruits and veggies for meals
- water with lemon throughout the day
And in the evening:
- hot tea
Rise, rinse, repeat.
Here’s what went down:
I got up early and did my yoga DVD with Kristin McGee. Feeling energized, I made a trip to the grocery to get smoothie ingredients and pick up our Saturday Starbucks (our occasional weekend tradition). Since I was trying to be good, I made a smoothie as soon as I got home and afterwards, drank only 1/2 my tall vanilla latte. And ate all my croissant. Not on the plan but it could have been worse.
It’s been quite a morning so far.
Driving my son to school, I had to use all my self control not to flip off the car behind me that was driving just a little too close for my liking. On the way home, I thew my phone after receiving a text message letting me know my data plan had just ran out. Luckily I didn’t drop any of the Dove candy bar I was eating at the time.
This was all before 9am.
A few hours later, I was in the bathroom getting sick.
As I’m sure you can tell, things have gotten a little off track. In fact, I’m feeling like things are off the rails and I need to find my way back to the happier, relaxed, healthier me.
Full disclosure – it is “that time” for me, the cramps and exhaustion have been kicking my butt but I’m usually able to handle things much better than this and don’t feel quite this bad. I know this is because once I got sick last month and spent weeks either working or just in bed, I got in to some really bad habits and have not gotten back on to my good ones.
So this morning, I’m thinking of a master plan, deciding what to do.
Though it may seem extreme, often when things get to this point and I’m feeling this terrible, I take a kind of boot camp approach. I’m naturally a little lazy laid back so sometimes, a big kick in the butt is just what I need.
The last few years have been full of changes, some pretty big changes actually and most of them for the better. But there’s something that has changed in a bad way and I’m trying to figure out exactly why or how it has happened.
I love birthdays, always have. And I have always thought it was silly and ridiculous that some women try to hide their true age, won’t give out their birthday or get depressed on the day.
Because me? I celebrate. I make a big freaking deal. I used to schedule a shopping day off from work for my birthday every year before my stay at home mom days.
My 21st birthday was awesome! 30th birthday, felt great. Turning 35, ok that one was rough, I was pregnant and horribly sick but felt no ill will about my age at all.
I even used to think, yes I am getting older but I’m also getting – better.
I know for most, spring is the time when people go through their homes, closets and garages to do the big, all day, clean out sessions but for me, it’s always after the holidays.
I don’t know how others feel about this but the sudden onslaught of new toys, puzzles, games, clothes, movies, etc. makes me want to re-evaluate, re-organize and clean things out.
Cleaning and organizing is actually one of my super powers though, I actually enjoy organizing my closet (I know). Too much clutter, mountains of things just piled up or shoved together makes me twitchy and I can’t take it.
I need wide open spaces, lots of room to move and breathe and just think.
Cleaning has even becomes a calming exercise. I’ve been known to pick a part of the house and scrub it down during stressful or worried times, for the busyness of my hands and clearing of mind the motion provides me.