I’m usually behind on celebrity gossip so I’m sure you’ve already heard all the hoopla about Halle Berry expecting baby number two. “So what’s the big deal” is what I was thinking until I read that she is 46 years old!
But the thing I’ve been wondering about is, if others take issue or have any opinion about her unmarried status.
As early on as I can remember, I always pictured myself as a mother. I never had any doubts that it was a part of what I wanted and who I was suppose to be. For some time, I pictured myself with many children, living in a happy, loving relationship.
But not married. That part I could not even imagine. I also thought and felt, it didn’t matter and wasn’t something I needed.
Rolling Goldie Hawn – Kurt Russell style, that’s what I used to say anyway.
To my own surprise, I did end up getting married. I’ve actually done it twice now. The first time, at the court house. The second time, in a beautiful backyard ceremony.
This afternoon, I was reading an article on healing relationships and was completely awestruck as it told about part of a couples vows from their wedding:
that all circumstances might serve the awakening of wisdom and compassion.
All circumstances – the good, the bad and the ugly. The days when you can hardly drag yourself out of bed, the times when you just want to cry or punch someone in the face and the days when you can’t remember if you’ve ever laughed so hard or felt so happy.
Serving the awakening of wisdom and compassion.
What a thing to strive for. Hard enough just concentrating on yourself, now put this in the context of a marriage or serious relationship. Yowza!
It resonated with me, that’s for sure. And another reminder of what a padawan I continue to be because I’m not even close to this much of the time but I love when I find these kinds of reminders. A beautiful intention, something so worth while to work toward.
Especially while I’m feeling off off track and lopsided and not quite myself.
I’ve always felt I had a “complicated” family and upbringing if not just plain nontraditional, difficult and really tough at times. But, the more I learn about others, life itself and the illusions we confuse sometimes as normal or what’s suppose to be, I’m thinking things really may not be so unusual after all and certainly could have been a lot worse.
For the past year, I’ve proudly been contributing each month to Kim at Sperk* for Wednesday’s Woman, her awesome dedication to shine a light on positive and inspirational women. In all this time, I’ve never written about anyone personal or from my own life.
Although I actually am a pretty private person, for some reason this pained me a little and I found myself really wanting to share something more personal, closer to my own heart.
And if I know my own mind, it was probably because I didn’t think I could.
On Friday, after I picked up my son from preschool, we went to Dairy Queen for lunch. It’s one of his favorite lunch places because of the toys and play area they have and since I was going to be working all weekend, I wanted to do something fun with him as a little treat before I handed things over to dad.
The news was on the big t.v. above all the tables so it was there that I learned about the horrible murders at Sandy Hook Elementary School as my son ate and played, oblivious to what was being reported on the screen.
My reaction as far as addressing this online was, no comment. I stayed off of Facebook and Twitter and had not planned on writing anything about this here but something I read earlier today has been gnawing at me, demanding a response (internally at least) so here’s my message.
Death, shock, tragedy, disbelief – all things felt regarding the school shooting, are processed and expressed different by everyone. Maybe based on your personal experiences with loss, because of your own personal and political beliefs or just the fact that we are all unique individuals.
Some shout from the mountain tops, angry and needing to be heard. Some are more sad and subdued or subtle in their expression. Some go radio silent.
I don’t believe there is a right or wrong way to express your feelings about this kind of tragedy but I do hope we can remember to be respectful of one another and respectful of the families dealing with loss at this time.
Love and relationships, these are tricky things indeed.
We grow up with beliefs that are part fake Hollywood love stories and fairy tales, part whatever we observed from our homes and care givers and part (and I think this is a big part) from how we feel about ourselves.
I am a big promoter of self love and self care and this is another area where it is really important. If you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, it’s much harder to have one with anyone else.
When I first read about Kristen Stewart’s affair with her married, “Snow White and the Huntsman” director, several thoughts went through my mind.
How stupid can they be?
What? His wife is a model!
Why is this so common?
Because as we all know, Hollywood affairs seem to happen all the time. It’s hardly news anymore. In fact, a famous couple still going strong after several years – now that’s news.
Forgiveness can throw off anchors holding you back, keeping you down, weighing heavy on your soul.
It can set you free.
It can help you heal and move forward.
Forgiveness can rebuild and renew relationships, open your heart and move your life in new directions.
I have been absent.
I’ve missed this blog and writing and the connection I feel with so many of you, but I have been absent.
The past few weeks have been a roller coaster of drama, soul searching, insomnia, sadness, panic attacks, miscommunications, misunderstandings, cruelty, worry, fear, stress and heartbreak.
Family stuff, relationship stuff, kids stuff, money, future…….life stuff.
In this overwhelming tornado whirling around me, much of the time I felt like I was operating purely in a survival mode. Picking myself up again became a harder and harder feat but every morning I woke up breathing and my son needed breakfast and life went on.
But inside, I feel ripped down to the core of myself, forced to go deep and stare in to the heart of the darkness surrounding and of my own.
Last Friday, my hard drive met it’s maker. I probably should not even admit this but one of the things I was most upset about was not being able to do last week’s listicle topic, 10 Things Husbands Should Do, an absolutely brilliant topic!
After getting my laptop back on Monday and getting things back up and running, I was at least able to read some of the awesome, funny and extremely creative lists some of you did on the subject.
I guess I’m still not over it because I could not resist doing a little combo list this week of 5 and 5.
5 Things Husbands Should Do: